My Mental Health Story - 5

I was diagnosed with MDD and GAD at 8th grade. I was, and still am, in a tremendous amount of distress from the illness. When I was first diagnosed, everyone around me gave me support and tried to be there for me, which I am eternally grateful for. But eventually, I can feel myself being too much, too sensitive and too annoying to them, and I can feel both myself and them withdrawing, so I kept it all in.

I feel so guilty and disgusted by myself because I know I have every reason to be happy, yet I was so consumed with my mental illness that I just can’t “focus on the good”. And I feel like I don’t deserve to receive help and love because I didn’t go through a major trauma. I am so ashamed of myself that I am unable to talk about my feelings without cringing anymore, and I am so sorry for the people who love me. I wish I could let it all go because I don’t think I can take the pain from my illness on top of the guilt anymore. I don’t wish this feeling on my worst enemy, so I hope if you’re suffering out there, you know that you are not alone.